The Stooges Guitar Roadie is

Whenever it fucking feels like it. OK?

Chris lives in A place called Motor City in America. No, it's not a caravan park, it's the American name for Detroit (from the Latin - detritus - meaning the shit left over when the good stuff's gione.)

Chris is also known as 'the wooj', or sometimes just 'the' for short. But not for long, I suspect, once he sees this...

Chris has rather strange ideas regarding the provenance of the panda, (well, about nearly everything, but especially the panda, which he believes to be part of the pig family. You know, the ordinary panda. The one that's so obviously a bear, and not a pig. He thinks he saw it on an old program on the National Geographic Channel.

[HELLO!! CHRIS!! ARE YOU RECEIVING ME?. I need to talk to you about something

You know when you go to sleep, and you see all those pictures running through your head, a bit like the pictures you see when the television is on? Well, the sleep-television pictures -they are not really television They are what we doctors call'dreams'.]

Look at him in this picture, messing around on a kiddies' police car, blissfully unaware that in England we call police cars 'panda cars' and some people call the police 'pigs'. (Although, I hasten to add, I am not one of those people. Good God, no! I call them 'cunts')

Anyway, you can click on this pic and you'll get another one. They were taken outside one of those Dutch coin-operated takeaways where you can get a salmonella-flavoured chicken leg for 1 euro at 2 o'clock in the morning. Isn't technology marvellous?

The Dutch call chicken 'kip', although a more appropriate word would be 'shit'. But at least neither the Dutch, nor chickens, actually believe that the common panda ihas anything at all in common with the common pig, apart from their common lack of similarity, of course. Now if he'd said that he thought that chickens and the Dutch were somehow related... I don't think that anyone would dispute that one. The only difference I can see thereis that Dutch people have tulips, whereas chickens have just the one beak.